OPINION: ‘Did Germans really have to complain about my children waiting for a bus?’

Germans are known for their rigid rules and love of order. But when complaints against children waiting at a bus stop before school were lodged in her German village, American writer Rosamaria Mancini felt let down and asks: where is the tolerance?

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I am trying, really I am, but being a foreigner, an American, in Deutschland is just not easy. I have been at it for the past eight years working hard to understand what the norms are and to be respectful of them. I get it, every country has its way of doing things, and I completely understand the necessity of social norms, their sacredness, how they work to unite a community, and even help keep things under control. 
And while Germany is known for its legal and cultural framework that values order and discipline, the thing I have difficulty comprehending is the German rigidness. This innate unwillingness to be flexible, to bend a little, like those clear plastic rulers do, to make an exception to the so-called norm (or perish the thought, rule) when it is for good reason. 
Let me explain how my kids waiting at the bus stop to go to school has become a problem, a big problem. 

I recently moved to a small, rural village on the extreme west side of Germany, called Birgden, located in the municipality of Gangelt, with my husband and two kids. Birgden is simple, it’s peaceful and quaint with all of its farmland and bison herding around. 
Birgden has its local German community and there are also a number of NATO families thanks to its location near the Air Base Geilenkirchen, which is where the 32-member alliance has its fleet of planes equipped with a moon pie-shaped radar. They basically do air policing.  
The main reasons we chose to build a home in Birgden was because my husband works on the base and the international school our kids attend in the Netherlands is just about 12 kilometers, or 7 miles, away. The kids, 11 and 7-years-old, travel to school each day by bus, and they are lucky because it’s a coach bus with padded, comfortable seats and they tell me they “love it” when the driver puts on music.         
Unlike the local German elementary and middle school parents, I take my children to the bus stop, located on a larger residential street closer to the village’s centre.

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I am a bit hyper protective and I am not yet ready to let them walk on their own. The bus drop-off, however, is quick, about 10 minutes total – we get there, wait a few minutes, the bus comes, they get on, I wave, the bus leaves, and I walk back home. The pick-up is even faster, I grab them and we go. The other international parents whose young children attend the school pretty much do the same thing. 
‘Sulking adults’
On a recent morning when I arrived at the bus stop, I noticed a Polizei car circulating around us. I found it odd because seeing police driving around Birgden is like seeing an ice cream shop in a desert, it is not a thing.
I panicked a bit, called my husband at work and asked if “something” was going on. I was worried because just a few months ago, the base’s security status was raised to “Charlie,” the second highest military warning level, which means there is an imminent threat. I now thought the NATO kids were being targeted. He told me “don’t worry” and that “somebody probably complained,” and called the police for “something.” 

Photo by Max Fleischmann / Unsplash
The next day I was walking my kids again and noticed a man with a fluorescent orange safety vest and I realised it was the school’s bus office coordinator. “What’s he doing here?,” I thought. “Oh no, the kids need to be escorted, the threat must be real.”  
I walked over and asked what was happening, and as the bus coordinator started to answer me I saw that a group of six sulking adults with their arms crossed against their chests had formed a kind of semi circle across the street from the stop and were staring at all of us. They looked quite childlike but also a bit mean. 
The bus coordinator said the residents are up-in-arms about the bus stop. They find the children loud, they are annoyed by their laughing and playing, and they don’t want parents waiting around. Plus, they are concerned about traffic. They want the bus stop moved.   
I was shocked and also a bit sad. For these Germans, who I assume have been peering at us through their windows because I rarely see them outside, we are a public nuisance negatively impacting their quality of life. But all we are doing in those 10 minutes is getting our very normal kids to school as we are required to do by law. 

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‘Quiet time’ not being violated
In Germany, there are a series of laws that regulate noise and disturbance of the peace. Plus, there is Ruhezeit, quiet time, that is an agreed period of time where neighbourhoods keep noise down and allow residents to have peace and quiet.
Here, the quiet hours are weekdays and Saturdays between 10pm and 6am, meanwhile Sundays and public holidays in Germany have quiet hours for the entire day. This means no loud conversations, music, hobbies, and any housework such as vacuuming or lawn mowing that make a significant amount of noise. 
READ ALSO: Ruhezeit – What you need to know about quiet time in Germany

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According to the latest data from Germany’s Federal Statistical office, about 28 percent of the population in Germany felt bothered by noise caused by traffic or neighbours in their residential environment.
But in this case, the Ruhezeit is not being violated. The children attend school on weekdays and their bus pick-up time is about 8:20am while their drop off time is about 4pm. They are not littering, consuming food or drink, or playing music. They haven’t destroyed property. They just talk the way kids talk and laugh the way kids laugh when they are outside, you know outside voices. And I am pretty sure, at least according to the app on my smart watch, that no one is exceeding the 55 decibel noise level limit during the day. 
Plus, when it comes to traffic, I guess the locals mean foot traffic because most of the parents walk their kids. The bigger kids arrive alone with their typical pissed off teenager faces, earbuds in, and they don’t speak at all.  

American writer in Germany Rosamaria Mancini. Photo courtesy of Rosamaria Mancini
I admit that maybe a few norms are being challenged but it’s not out of disrespect. The kids and parents are from different cultural backgrounds. They are not just American like me but come from a variety of NATO countries, like Italy, Norway, Turkey, and the United Kingdom.

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I think what my German neighbours need is a bit of tolerance because their super sensitivity to noise and what’s known as the morning rush is trivial in the grand scope of things and what’s going on in the world right now.  
READ ALSO: 10 weird taboos you should never break in Germany
I also hate feeling like I am doing something wrong, when in fact I have been trying to do everything right. I have been a good neighbour, who accepts their mail when they are not home. I have donated to the local firehouse. I even participated in community events even though I hardly understand what’s going on. I suggest they try a little as well. If not, they should invest in a pair of earplugs or maybe noise canceling headphones while the kids wait for the bus.
Rosamaria Mancini, was born and raised in Brooklyn and Long Island, New York. She has lived in Germany since 2016. Before her time in Germany, she called Italy home. She recently earned her PhD in Creative Writing from Swansea University. Her first book SOS Podcasts was published by Cambria Books on August 1st, 2024. 

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Comments (8)

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GerryM

2024/11/25 08:23

You mentioned that the police were, unusually, driving around, and a bus coordinator was there. Sounds like maybe there had been some kind of incident earlier. Maybe something to do with that?

CV

2024/11/24 20:32

One way to make sure your neighbors love you is to write a public letter about how unreasonable they are.

Bobbie

2024/11/21 11:21

You never got to the specific reason why your neighbors are upset. Were the kids too loud? Did they get rowdy? They must have voiced their exact complaints. I lived in Germany for decades and am well aware of the rules against noise at certain times. I am also aware that Germans are quite tolerant of children and their antics and this sounds out of character to me. There must be more to this story.

Steven

2024/11/21 04:17

The hypocrisy knows no bounds. Make it unpleasant for those with children and your birth rate collapses. Same mentality with Nuclear Waste and energy, look where happened there. Seems they should be appreciative of NATO families as well, Trump is looking for any excuse to make a fuss there.

John Doe

2024/11/20 19:57

If, as you’ said, not rules have been broken, then there does not need tolerance. Just defend your right to make noise outside Ruhzeit. No need to escalate to cultural war.
In any case, not making noise in public space is a good manner. Children need to learn manner. This is not about law, but just about etiquette. Behave in good manner and you don’t need to beg for other people’s tolerance.

Tyson

2024/11/20 18:21

Germany is a country full of a lot of Karens. Just ignore them and only move if the police make you. Your indifference to their pettiness is best the retort. If anything, maybe bring them cookies or coffee or something. Your kindness would infuriate them! I’m out of here at soonest possibility that it makes sense for the family.

Nancy Parker

2024/11/20 17:46

Rosamaria, I have lived in Germany for the past 20 years and I still can’t get used to the rigid mentality. I suppose that is one of the reason why Germany is in big trouble at the moment because their unwillingness to make changes and slow to adapt to new way to doing things. Good time to relocate…

Peter

2024/11/20 16:01

This is ridiculous….although i’m also not overly surprised. I have to say this is also not the first time i’ve found the attitudes of police and other authorities to be overly indulgent. In most other countries this type of complaint would be listened to, recorded in a possibly overly theatrical manner and then promptly forgotten about (as it should be).

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I am trying, really I am, but being a foreigner, an American, in Deutschland is just not easy. I have been at it for the past eight years working hard to understand what the norms are and to be respectful of them. I get it, every country has its way of doing things, and I completely understand the necessity of social norms, their sacredness, how they work to unite a community, and even help keep things under control. 
And while Germany is known for its legal and cultural framework that values order and discipline, the thing I have difficulty comprehending is the German rigidness. This innate unwillingness to be flexible, to bend a little, like those clear plastic rulers do, to make an exception to the so-called norm (or perish the thought, rule) when it is for good reason. 
Let me explain how my kids waiting at the bus stop to go to school has become a problem, a big problem. 
I recently moved to a small, rural village on the extreme west side of Germany, called Birgden, located in the municipality of Gangelt, with my husband and two kids. Birgden is simple, it’s peaceful and quaint with all of its farmland and bison herding around. 
Birgden has its local German community and there are also a number of NATO families thanks to its location near the Air Base Geilenkirchen, which is where the 32-member alliance has its fleet of planes equipped with a moon pie-shaped radar. They basically do air policing.  
The main reasons we chose to build a home in Birgden was because my husband works on the base and the international school our kids attend in the Netherlands is just about 12 kilometers, or 7 miles, away. The kids, 11 and 7-years-old, travel to school each day by bus, and they are lucky because it’s a coach bus with padded, comfortable seats and they tell me they “love it” when the driver puts on music.         
Unlike the local German elementary and middle school parents, I take my children to the bus stop, located on a larger residential street closer to the village’s centre.
I am a bit hyper protective and I am not yet ready to let them walk on their own. The bus drop-off, however, is quick, about 10 minutes total – we get there, wait a few minutes, the bus comes, they get on, I wave, the bus leaves, and I walk back home. The pick-up is even faster, I grab them and we go. The other international parents whose young children attend the school pretty much do the same thing. 
‘Sulking adults’
On a recent morning when I arrived at the bus stop, I noticed a Polizei car circulating around us. I found it odd because seeing police driving around Birgden is like seeing an ice cream shop in a desert, it is not a thing.
I panicked a bit, called my husband at work and asked if “something” was going on. I was worried because just a few months ago, the base’s security status was raised to “Charlie,” the second highest military warning level, which means there is an imminent threat. I now thought the NATO kids were being targeted. He told me “don’t worry” and that “somebody probably complained,” and called the police for “something.” 

The next day I was walking my kids again and noticed a man with a fluorescent orange safety vest and I realised it was the school’s bus office coordinator. “What’s he doing here?,” I thought. “Oh no, the kids need to be escorted, the threat must be real.”  
I walked over and asked what was happening, and as the bus coordinator started to answer me I saw that a group of six sulking adults with their arms crossed against their chests had formed a kind of semi circle across the street from the stop and were staring at all of us. They looked quite childlike but also a bit mean. 
The bus coordinator said the residents are up-in-arms about the bus stop. They find the children loud, they are annoyed by their laughing and playing, and they don’t want parents waiting around. Plus, they are concerned about traffic. They want the bus stop moved.   
I was shocked and also a bit sad. For these Germans, who I assume have been peering at us through their windows because I rarely see them outside, we are a public nuisance negatively impacting their quality of life. But all we are doing in those 10 minutes is getting our very normal kids to school as we are required to do by law. 
‘Quiet time’ not being violated
In Germany, there are a series of laws that regulate noise and disturbance of the peace. Plus, there is Ruhezeit, quiet time, that is an agreed period of time where neighbourhoods keep noise down and allow residents to have peace and quiet.
Here, the quiet hours are weekdays and Saturdays between 10pm and 6am, meanwhile Sundays and public holidays in Germany have quiet hours for the entire day. This means no loud conversations, music, hobbies, and any housework such as vacuuming or lawn mowing that make a significant amount of noise. 
READ ALSO: Ruhezeit – What you need to know about quiet time in Germany
According to the latest data from Germany’s Federal Statistical office, about 28 percent of the population in Germany felt bothered by noise caused by traffic or neighbours in their residential environment.
But in this case, the Ruhezeit is not being violated. The children attend school on weekdays and their bus pick-up time is about 8:20am while their drop off time is about 4pm. They are not littering, consuming food or drink, or playing music. They haven’t destroyed property. They just talk the way kids talk and laugh the way kids laugh when they are outside, you know outside voices. And I am pretty sure, at least according to the app on my smart watch, that no one is exceeding the 55 decibel noise level limit during the day. 
Plus, when it comes to traffic, I guess the locals mean foot traffic because most of the parents walk their kids. The bigger kids arrive alone with their typical pissed off teenager faces, earbuds in, and they don’t speak at all.  

I admit that maybe a few norms are being challenged but it’s not out of disrespect. The kids and parents are from different cultural backgrounds. They are not just American like me but come from a variety of NATO countries, like Italy, Norway, Turkey, and the United Kingdom.
I think what my German neighbours need is a bit of tolerance because their super sensitivity to noise and what’s known as the morning rush is trivial in the grand scope of things and what’s going on in the world right now.  
READ ALSO: 10 weird taboos you should never break in Germany
I also hate feeling like I am doing something wrong, when in fact I have been trying to do everything right. I have been a good neighbour, who accepts their mail when they are not home. I have donated to the local firehouse. I even participated in community events even though I hardly understand what’s going on. I suggest they try a little as well. If not, they should invest in a pair of earplugs or maybe noise canceling headphones while the kids wait for the bus.
Rosamaria Mancini, was born and raised in Brooklyn and Long Island, New York. She has lived in Germany since 2016. Before her time in Germany, she called Italy home. She recently earned her PhD in Creative Writing from Swansea University. Her first book SOS Podcasts was published by Cambria Books on August 1st, 2024.